


Baby Steps

by badcaseofcasey



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Baby Shower Shopping, M/M, Mentioned James/Lily, Oblivious men being oblivious, until they aren't anymore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 16:59:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9451238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badcaseofcasey/pseuds/badcaseofcasey
Summary: Sirius and Remus do some shopping for Lily and James' baby shower together and Sirius realizes something about what he wants the rest of his life to look like.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to theratchild for the excellent beta as always!

The streets of Diagon Alley were full to bursting, as usual. Wizards and witches moving through the crowds to do their shopping. Start of term for Hogwarts students were fast approaching, and many of the witches and wizards could be seen moving frantically between shops with their children, checking items off of school lists. It seemed like not very long ago that he had been doing the same with his parents. But Lily was now pregnant, and Remus was sure that in what would feel like a blink of an eye, they would be right there alongside the other parents, getting James and Lily’s child ready for school.

  
That was the reason for Remus’ visit, in fact. He was looking for a present for Lily’s baby shower next week, and he had absolutely no idea what to buy for the parents-to-be.

He worked his way down one of the side alleys until he got to Madame Laima’s, which was reportedly the place for every possible need of the modern magical pregnancy. The whole store was almost intimidatingly pastel - like his brown duster was not at all welcome. Even the shop workers were dressed in a pale purple, in some sort of attempt to match both the baby blues and the pastel pinks, as well as all the colors in between. Remus was starting to feel severely out of place when he saw a welcome splash of black against the yellow of the gender-neutral section.

Sirius looked even more out of place than Remus felt. He was holding some sort of contraption, turning it end over end as if somewhere on it was written the secrets of the universe, if only he could find the right angle to view it from. Remus was able to get within five feet of him without Sirius noticing anything but the tangle of tubes in his hands. He cleared his throat loudly and Sirius jumped, clutching the item to his chest, eyes wide with shock.

“Moony, thank god,” Sirius said. “I thought it was one of those intimidating witches that work here.”

“Have you been terrorizing the shop assistants already?” Remus teased, accepting Sirius’ warm hug and holding him close for perhaps a second longer than strictly necessary.

“They’ve had it out for me since I walked through those doors,” Sirius defended. “I’m without fault in this matter.”

“Sirius, asking if they have any photographic instruction manuals for breastfeeding does not count as being without fault. Not unless I’ve somehow missed the fact that you’re a nursing mother.”

“Ah, heard that, did you?” Sirius asked, rubbing the back of his neck, at least putting in the effort to look embarrassed.

“No,” Remus said, eyebrows raised. “I just know you too well.” He took the device out of Sirius’ hand and gave it a cursory inspection. “And you are not purchasing a breast pump.”

“Oh, is that what that was?” Sirius said, and Remus eyed him skeptically, not believing for a second that the other man didn’t at least have some sort of idea what it was for.

“Are you here for the shower as well?” Remus asked, peeking inconspicuously at the price tag on the breast pump and trying to hide his shock - if that was indicative of the rest of the store, he might just have to give Lily and James a card and a particularly affectionate hug.

“Yes, sir,” Sirius said. “Godfathering duties start already.”

“Of course they do,” Remus said. “James is essentially setting us all up to be uncles - actual genetic ties mean nothing in this strange family we’re a part of.”

“If you’re only just now realizing that we’ve been a family from the beginning, then I’m going to have to start questioning your intellect,” Sirius said, his skeptic look making him look just like the boy Remus had known back when they were students. The years hadn’t exactly been kind to Sirius, but something about the light in his eyes made him seem just as youthful and spirited as he was in Gryffindor tower.

Remus set the breast pump aside and guided Sirius to the comparably safer clothing area. He wondered, not for the first time, what it would be like to do this with Sirius for real. To have a life together and build a family of their own. He quickly shook the thoughts from his head and followed as Sirius, predictably, went straight for the onesies emblazoned with snitches and brooms, his eyes alight with mischief.

“Padfoot, what if they have a girl?” Remus asked, gesturing at the more gender-neutral clothes.  
“Then she’ll be a damn fine quidditch player,” Sirius stated. “With the family she’s got, she’ll be hard pressed to avoid it.”

Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius, but didn’t disagree. He knew James would be out on a broom with his child as soon as Lily would allow it - boy or girl. He caught a flash of a price tag on the onesie Sirius was currently pulling off the shelf and adding to the steadily growing pile on his arm and felt his stomach sink. That was far too expensive - at this rate he could afford to buy Lily and James a sock and would have to call it a day at that. That’s what he gets for going to the place that was “in fashion”.

The speed and carelessness at which Sirius was adding clothes to his pile without so much as a glance at a price tag just reminded Remus how little he could afford to spoil his soon-to-be nephew or niece. Sirius could buy anything they dreamt of, within reason, and Remus had very little to offer. He knew that showing you care didn’t just come from material goods, but it was definitely a factor, and he would always fall short on that front compared to his friends. He had achieved top marks on his N.E.W.T.s, and he had hoped for the best when he had left Hogwarts. But instead, he watched as his friends and peers easily transitioned into their chosen careers while the mandatory reporting laws for “potentially dangerous magical creatures” caused Remus to be turned away without even an interview from almost any job he applied for. He had bounced around between jobs and had managed to find his footing as a freelance consultant on matters involving the Dark Arts or magical creatures, but it paid so little and so rarely that he could barely afford to go out for a pint with the Marauders once a month or so.

Sirius seemed to notice Remus’ shift in mood and paused in his mad dash through the clothing section to looked at Remus thoughtfully.

“What are you thinking of getting, Moony?” he asked. “I don’t want to take the onesie you were planning on giving. Though, I didn’t see one covered in a print of books, so I don’t know that you’ll have any luck.”

Remus cleared his throat awkwardly. He knew what Sirius was getting at. He’d done it thousands of times in Hogsmeade before purchasing half the store for Remus against his will, despite Remus’ insistence that he would have to pay him back. At the time, Sirius’ answer was that there’s nothing that would make him happier than to spend his mother’s money on something she would so wholeheartedly disapprove of like his best friend, the werewolf. Now, it would seem that Sirius wanted to make up for the entirety of society’s indifference or oppression buy purchasing a ludicrous amount of whatever he could find for Remus. Remus still insisted he would pay Sirius back, but that was about as likely as it was back when they were students.

Sirius paused and studied Remus carefully. “Why don’t we give these together?”

Remus felt his cheeks redden. “I can’t let you do that.”

“Remus, for the last time, it isn’t charity,” Sirius practically spat the word. “You always act like I’m pitying you, but I’m not. This money, the power that comes with being one of the last of an ancient wizarding House, this is what I can bring to the table. You- you are going to be an amazing teacher and role model. You can help him with his summer homework. You have taught James and Peter and I more than I can say. This means nothing compared to that.”

Remus stared at Sirius, his mouth open half in shock, half in admiration. Sirius had said similar things to Remus before, but he had never expressed feeling inferior to Remus, or anyone for that matter.

Sirius gave Remus a look that said he wasn’t about to take no for an answer. “I will write your name on the card with a very crude message if you don’t do it yourself.”

“Okay,” Remus said simply, not forcing Sirius to delve too deeply into his emotions, because that was sure to cause a hasty retreat. “But I’m at least buying you a drink after this.”

“Good deal,” Sirius said, moving to the counter, pile of baby clothes held in front of him like he was leading a parade. Remus fell into step and followed him to the counter, smiling at the overly-happy shop assistant.

“Find everything you need today?” she chirped happily.

“Oh, much more, thank you,” Remus said, eyeing the stack of clothes.

“Well, they grow so fast - what if we end up with nothing that fits? They’ll have to run around starkers!”

“Oh, don’t be dramatic, Pads,” Remus said, smiling in a way that he hoped the witch interpreted as long-suffering and understanding. “They’ll at least be in his diaper. And besides, one of us can always run out and get a new outfit when we need to.”

Sirius pursed his lips. “But this way, we won’t have to.”

“You two must be just dying to meet this bundle of joy,” the shop witch asked.

They both nodded enthusiastically. As much as they both could be cynical and sarcastic, Lily and James’ news of a child could not have been more exciting, especially in such dark times.

“It’s been a long time coming,” Remus said, thinking back to all the years James had spent chasing Lily.

“Well, I’m glad it’s finally happening for you,” she said, waving her wand as the clothes began to fold themselves into neat piles. “We’ve always been accepting of all kinds here - I think it’s awful how some people treat couples like yourselves. As if you won’t love and care for a child just the same.”

Remus felt his eyes grow wide, shocked into silence. Sirius, as usual, had taken it in stride and was already responding.

“That’s too kind of you. We’re just so excited to be parents,” Sirius said, moving his arm to Remus’ waist.

“Aren’t we, darling?”

Remus eyed Sirius, flushing lightly at the touch at his waist, glaring at Sirius out of the corner of his eye.

“Of course, love. Could not be more excited.”

“Well, you’ve got a good start, but don’t hesitate to come back for more!” she said, accepting the galleons Sirius pressed into her palm.

“Keep the change,” he said. “You’ve been a great help.”

“Thanks for this, Sirius,” Remus said softly. “It means a lot.”

“You know how much I love you, dear,” Sirius said, batting his eyelashes in an affected manner.  
Remus played along smiling at him, only partly for the shopwitch’s benefit. “I love you, too, even if you are absolutely ridiculous.” It was distressingly easy to say it like he meant it.

The witch smiled winningly. “Come back and see us soon!”

They both smiled in return and walked out of the shop, arms still around each other. The alley outside was relatively busy, but it was easy to press against the wall, where they burst into laughter until they could hardly breathe.

“Imagine, the two of us, raising a child,” Sirius said, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes.

“I don’t know,” Remus said. “You’d be there to teach them to have fun, and I’d be there to keep the both of you from being brought up in front of the Ministry!”

As their laughter died out, Sirius smiled and looked at Remus carefully.

“Padfoot?” Remus asked, confused by his friend’s change in demeanor. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Sirius reassured him, resting a hand on his arm. “I just… you know how something happens and suddenly everything else makes sense? Like, you realize something that you were meant to know the whole time?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Remus agreed, confused.

“Remus…” Sirius began before shaking his head and taking his arm back from around Remus. “Nevermind. You owe me a drink.”

Remus followed Sirius towards the pub but didn’t allow him to change the subject just yet. “Seriously, what’s gotten into you today?”

Sirius sighed heavily and turned back towards Remus. “It’s nothing, this baby stuff is just getting to me, is all. Just forget about it, and let’s go have a drink.”

Remus looked at Sirius carefully. The lack of an answering pun on his name was worrying in and of itself. “If it was something important, you would tell me, right? You can trust me.”

“I know,” Sirius said, his tone light, but Remus could tell something was still bothering him.

Remus followed Sirius to the Leaky Cauldron, walking the familiar path down the Alley, and trying not to laugh at the combination of the massive lavender bag with Sirius’ black and leather ensemble. The idea of Sirius as a father seemed ridiculous, like a dog walking on its hind legs, but, Remus thought with amusement, Sirius did that regularly already. Sirius had taken to being a godfather with minimal fuss, only one meltdown about being old enough to be a father of any sort, and he seemed ready and eager to dote on Lily and James’ child. Perhaps one day, Sirius would be an excellent father.

Remus let Sirius sit down with all their shopping as he went to get their pints. When he got back to the table, Sirius’ odd behavior had returned. The Sirius Black that Remus knew was not one to sit around and weigh options; he was more likely to barge in headfirst with no plan at all.

“You keep this up and people will start to realize that you actually do think, sometimes,” Remus said, setting the beers down on the table in front of Sirius.

“Well, we can’t have that,” Sirius said, a smile spreading across his face, the same sly grin that convinced (almost) anyone he turned it on to do whatever he asked, with Professor McGonagall as a notable exception.

They sipped at their beers in silence for a few moments before Sirius looked up at Remus with mischief in his eyes and asked, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how upset do you think Lily would be if I spoiled their child rotten?”

“That depends on how you intend to spoil them,” Remus laughed, grateful for an excuse to stop over-analyzing everything Sirius had been saying that afternoon. “If you continue buying out baby stores for them, then Lily will likely let you go right ahead. Then she could avoid a trip into the pastel horror show that place is.”

Sirius laughed, but it didn’t reach his eyes, “You’re probably right. You and Lily always were too smart for me.”

Remus narrowed his eyes at Sirius. “Are you feeling alright? You’re acting so strangely today.”

“Not ill, just… thinking,” Sirius said, looking at Remus intently.

“You thinking is a sure sign that something is about to get a lot worse, either for you or for the people around you,” Remus joked. “What’s got you this caught up?”

Sirius sighed. “It’s just, when James and Lily got married, it wasn’t so much of a surprise. I mean, James had been saying he would marry her since 3rd year. And obviously having a baby is the next logical step for their relationship, but for some reason I wasn’t expecting it.”

“And you’re having trouble with James and Lily being so grown up?” Remus asked. “I felt the same way; it’s absolutely crazy that we’re old enough that our friends are starting to have children.”

“That’s part of it, yeah,” Sirius said. “But it’s also that… look, you know more than most that my relationship with my family is tenuous at best. I didn’t see myself getting married and having children when my family was so batshit crazy. At first it was sort of a kick in the pants to my family, not wanting to continue the family name and all, but then it was sort of a freedom thing. Now… I don’t even know.”

“Sirius, are you saying you’re wanting to settle down?” Remus said. Of all things, this wasn’t what he had expected. Sirius Black, whose relationships lasted about as long as one of Remus’ jobs, wanting to find a nice girl and start a family - it was almost unthinkable.

“I know, I know!” Sirius said. “I’m just all of a sudden feeling… drawn to the idea of having someone to come home to every night, someone to wake up with in the morning. Merlin’s beard, when the witch in the shop thought we were buying for our own child I thought it would be funny to go along with it, but then-”

He broke off suddenly, shaking his head. Remus was surprised; Sirius wasn’t often one to let his emotions get to him, shrugging off nearly everything that came at him. Remus hadn’t seen him this bothered since, well, since they hadn’t been speaking after Sirius’ little prank with the Whomping Willow.

“Look, Sirius, wanting to settle down doesn’t make you a different person,” Remus said. “You can still be who you always were, only you make room in your life for someone else, maybe for a family. And if you’re worried you’ll turn out like your family, you should already know that won’t happen. From the moment you arrived at Hogwarts, the Sorting Hat knew that you weren’t like the rest of your family. For what it’s worth, I think you would be an excellent father.”

Sirius stared at Remus thoughtfully for a moment, nodded once and then leaned in and kissed Remus for all he was worth.

Remus’ eyebrows shot up at the first contact of Sirius’ lips on his, but soon relaxed into the kiss. His last thought before Sirius reduced his brain to so much mush was to be glad that they were in a corner booth and partially hidden from the rest of the pub. It felt like a dream, but maybe that was because he had only ever thought he would get to experience kissing Sirius in dreams. The fact that it was happening, in the Leaky Cauldron after buying baby clothes no less, was more than a little surreal.

Once Sirius realized Remus was a willing and enthusiastic participant, he deepened the kiss, pulling Remus closer and threading his fingers through his auburn hair. Remus let out an involuntary moan at the feeling of Sirius’ hands in his hair. Sirius knew full well what having someone’s hands in his hair did to Remus; a particularly drunken night of Truth or Dare at Hogwarts meant that Sirius knew just about every way to drive Remus wild, and it seemed he was eager to try each of them out as he pulled away from the kiss, biting Remus’ lip as he went.

They both seemed to need a moment to recover from the kiss, breathing deeply and staring into each other’s eyes. Remus was the first to break the silence.

“Well that was certainly different,” he said, trying to hide how Sirius had left him breathless.

“Good different?” Sirius asked, momentarily unsure under his mask of confidence.

“Definitely good,” Remus said reassuringly. “But Sirius, are you sure? Maybe you’re just eager to settle down and I seem like a safe choice.”

“Not a safe choice, the only choice,” Sirius said, running his fingers through Remus’ hair in a way that was just not fair when Remus was trying to stand firm and make sure that this, that he was what Sirius wanted. “You’re the only person I can imagine growing old with, and not just as a friend. Shopping for baby clothes with you just felt right, like it was a peek into a future that I could have if I would just take my head out of my ass.”

“Yes, but Sirius - could you please stop that, I’m trying to be practical here,” Remus insisted, and Sirius grudgingly took his hand from where he had been caressing Remus’ neck. “Sirius, are you even attracted to me? We’ve been friends a long time and I don’t want to jeopardize that.”

“Moony, if you only knew the kind of thoughts that ran through my head on a regular basis back when we shared a dormitory, you would be shocked,” Sirius said, eyes sparkling. “I’ve been attracted to you for ages, but I just never thought of this as an option really. We had been friends for so long by the time I realized how gorgeous you were that I just didn’t act on it. You know how I was back then, I wouldn’t have taken this seriously and I would’ve just hurt you.”

“Sirius,” Remus said, shaking his head. “What if it doesn’t work out? Neither of us are exactly relationship experts. What if we screw it up and we can never be friends again?”

“What if we don’t?” Sirius said and held up a hand to stop Remus’ protest. “No, really. Think about it. What if it works out? What if we can grow old together and - and maybe one day raise a family together? I don’t want to miss out on that chance just because I’m scared of what might happen. I can’t let my decisions be ruled by fear, not these days.”

Remus leaned his head into Sirius’s hand where it had moved to cup his cheek and sighed, closing his eyes at the warm sensation. “Padfoot - Sirius, this is a big step.”

“I know,” Sirius said warmly. “Let’s take it together.”

And after a statement like that, Remus can’t really be blamed for his actions. How could he not kiss Sirius within an inch of his life, wrapping his arms around his neck and practically climbing into his lap? Sirius was somehow taken by surprise by Remus’ sudden display of affection, but got with the program relatively quickly, leaning back against the booth so that he wasn’t bowled over by Remus’ enthusiasm.

Remus had often wondered what it would be like kissing Sirius; he had seen him in action so often that it was hard not to. But the reality was different than anything he’d imagined. It was obvious that Sirius had had practice, even if Remus hadn’t been witness to most of it, but he used his experience to make the kiss intensely personal. It felt like Sirius was slowly cataloging all of Remus’ likes and dislikes, joyfully discovering the parts of Remus that drove him wild. He reluctantly allowed Sirius to separate their lips only to find him dropping kisses down his neck to give his collarbone a playful bite. Remus gasped at the sensation and could feel Sirius’ answering smile pressed against the base of his throat.

Remus threaded his fingers through Sirius’ hair, taking a moment to appreciate how soft it was before pulling him gently away from his neck to look him in the eye. Sirius went reluctantly, clearly interested in continuing what they had started.

“Don’t give me those puppy eyes,” Remus said, rolling his eyes playfully. “If we take this any further, we’re likely to be arrested. Besides, we have two lovely, empty apartments waiting for us.”

“You always were the smart one,” Sirius said, his eyes shining with want and a fondness that Remus hadn’t recognized there before today. “Let’s go.”

Remus marveled at the easy way Sirius took his hand, pulling him out of the booth and out of the Leaky Cauldron. Remus glanced up from their hands to see Tom smiling knowingly from behind the counter and if Remus didn’t know better, he would have sworn he winked at them on their way out the door.

Remus smiled at the back of Sirius’ head as they walked out of the pub and for the first time in years, he allowed himself to imagine what a life with Sirius could be like. Remus smiled. What a life with Sirius would be like.


End file.
